I went through a divorce and it totally shook my world. I'm so young. How would I recover from this? What if I never experienced being loved again? What if I never crossed paths with another person that thinks I’m special? What if I never experienced being in a relationship again? So many possibilities about being alone, not being hugged by someone who cant imagine life without me, never being proposed to again, never being found attractive again, never being loved unconditionally again. I could go on and on and on. Not speaking for every girl, but this girl had a ton of fears about love and relationships. I had tons of uncertainties, insecurities, and doubts. It would be silly and ultimately a lie to say I didn’t wonder if I would get the chance to be someone’s wife, someone’s mom, someone’s love again. Even when those feelings got so real that I would find myself crying or being overwhelmed by my fears, I had to stop myself. I had to stop and challenge myself in that moment.
I paused and asked, “if I change my what if to even if, how does that affect my perspective?” EVEN IF I never experience love again, I have some of the absolute best memories of what being loved well looks and feels like. EVEN IF I never cross paths with another person that thinks I’m special, I can tell myself everyday that I am, and that’s good enough. EVEN IF I never experience being in a relationship again, I can say I’ve had some of the best times shared with a significant other and now I can experience some of the best times with friends, family, and even myself.
A “what if” mentality often pushes us towards the worst possible scenario. “What if” comes from a place of fear. It is derived from being afraid that the worst of the worst is the only possible outcome. It can sometimes lead to us getting mentally stuck in a very hopeless place. “Even if” directs the mind to think of a positive outcome. It’s more hopeful. “What if” equates to fear, “even if” equates to faith. Even if I experience the worst, I’ll still be okay. Even if it’s hard right now, it’s going to get better. Even if I can’t even find the confidence to be strong enough right now, I can work on getting it to grow over time.
I understand that sometimes our brains almost default to the “what if” mentality, but I challenge you to catch yourself and try to replace your “what if” with “even if” and see if your perspective shifts. Work on making that a habit. When you’re worried about getting that job, reaching that goal, getting over that heartbreak, you can find that positive lining in what can seem like an overwhelming situation. Even if I don’t get this job, I’m still a talented and bright young woman and someone will want to take a chance on me. Even if I can’t run a mile in under 10 minutes today, if I try at it everyday I will eventually get there. Even if this breakup hurts right now, everyday it’ll hurt a little less and a little less until I’m completely healed. Don’t let your “what if” mindset allow you to get stuck. Push past it and challenge yourself to say “even if”.
I pushed through my "What if" mentality and found so much peace in my "Even if". That caused me to fall in love with life all over again. I fell in love with the possibilities. I fell in love wih my "right now". It was so liberating. I didn't care what happened because I was so content. I did gt lucky enough to stumble into a love that has truly set my soul on fire. I know for a fact, if I wouldnt have changed my mindset, learned to love me and not allow mysefl to be broken by my past, I wouldnt have been in a position to welcome this newfound love that found me. Don’t forget to be gentle and gracious with yourself. Changing a mindset doesn’t happen over night, but as long as you work at it, it’ll become second nature. Creating a habit takes time. Even if you get it wrong or you allow that “what if” to take over, pause for a moment and shift your focus. See what I did there ;). Faith over fear is the greatest mentality you can condition yourself to have.